Breaking Thought Patterns

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Author: Derek Gerber

Hi my name is Derek, I’m 21, and I have struggled mainly with anxiety related issues for about 2 years now. Growing up I couldn’t even comprehend how someone could have these issues. I had lots of friends and hung out with anyone during my free moments of the days.

Sometime during quarantine, I decided that I wanted to get super serious into fitness, making money, and self improvement. During these months in the house it wasn’t much of an issue. But that was the day that a bad seed was planted in my mind. Not because of my goals, but my mentality and perception of what that looked like. Going back to work that summer, i worked 6-7 days a week for almost a year straight, at the job I hated, just because the money was too good to leave.

Leaving my extra time to the gym only, my close relationships and happiness in general started to fizzle out. I was unhappy doing it but my ego I had built in my mind was telling me it was okay and that it had to happen that way. This went on for over a year after that point and eventually quit to pursue entrepreneur type endeavours and it has gone well. But with all that free time on my hands, my thoughts started to get the best of me. I told myself I could only be around people who had the same goals, mindset, and approach toward life.

Next thing I knew I had less than 5 friends and became very introverted. I think I’m naturally extroverted but taking on this mindset made me afraid to even build connection with people because they would just “slow me down” I thought. This turned into becoming afraid to be myself around people when the time came and worrying about every single, little thing that happened in order to progress at a fast pace. I did progress fast in all areas, but sacrificed my mental state and relationships in order to do that.

Recently i’ve come to the realization that having that mindset takes you out of the present moments and you live your life in your mind. Worrying about every little conversation, action, and scenario caused me to suffer mentally far more than I actually did in the moment. I’m now focusing on meditative related thinking and letting go of the internal dialogue as much as necessary. I check my thoughts regularly and if it’s going back down my old thought patterns, I tell myself I don’t accept those thoughts.

I do things such as journaling, a place go PUT my thoughts so I don’t have to try and think about them, to get my mind back to the present. You cannot control everything and it is a nightmare trying to do it. I now let life happen however it should and I’m trusting it will be exactly what it is supposed to be without trying to force anything to happen.

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