Life After Multiple Attempts

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Author: @anonymous

I’ve been living with bipolar disorder for as long as I can remember.

I’ve gone from uninsured and untreated in America to steady treatment for several years here in England. While life has improved, I still live with the ups and downs of this horrid disorder. I still have to fight suicidal thoughts but as I get older, it gets easier to fight them. However, no one ever prepared me for life after numerous suicide attempts. That has been harder than anything.

We see suicide awareness messages but very few speak of the maimed life after multiple suicide attempts. Nor, have I ever met someone who had to live with the repercussions of failed suicides.

My body has been flooded with pharmaceuticals. I’ve suffered numerous seizures as I fought for life in the emergency rooms. Due to these seizures, my mind is nowhere near as it used to.

Prior to this, I used to write stories, songs and poems and now life is challenging. So much so that my psychiatric doctor and I will fight to place me on mental disability. I cannot work. I cannot drive and most often than not, I feel like a burden to my husband. The worst part is that I “look” healthy. Most are not able to tell I am disabled unless I tell them.

Still, every day I fight. I will keep fighting.

It is the pockets of joy amongst the turmoil that make life sweet. As does my sweet husband. I know not where I would be without him.

Thank you for reading.

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