Sometimes you feel as if that it may be over. The cards have been dealt. You’ve shed that last tear and you can’t go any further. Just say one thing, “one more time.”
I was sitting in an empty parking lot with tears dripping from my face contemplating it all. Why I wasn’t good enough, why am I hard to love, and why do I hate myself so much.
I put a barrel to my head and just screamed.
I was screaming for someone to save me when no one was around.
I started to squeeze until I saw my phone light up. It was my sister. She told me she loved me and she is worried about me. Without even knowing what I was about to do.
She told me to just talk to her no matter how hurt I was and what I was feeling and thinking to just talk and to name some things that I see to her and the things I could smell.
She told me to just continue talking and not to think really.
After naming around 20-30 things she stopped me and said, “one more time.”
She told me that no matter what I feel or what I’m thinking to just do it “one more time.” She drove to me and collected me and my stuff and moved me into her house and since that moment she’s been there to tell me “one more time.”
She’s lost so many people already that she didn’t see me as her brother. She saw me as someone who was already gone and that I needed the help. She’s been my keeper since day one and anytime I get to a low point I just remember those 3 words.
“One more time.”