Author: Derek Gerber
Hi my name is Derek, I’m 21, and I have struggled with anxiety related issues for about 2 years now. Growing up I couldn’t even comprehend how someone could have these issues. I had lots of friends and hung out with anyone during my free moments of the days.
During quarantine I decided to focus on fitness, making money, and self improvement. During these months in the house it wasn’t much of an issue. But that was the day that a bad seed planted in my mind. Not because of my goals, but my mentality and perception of what that looked like.
I worked 6-7 days a week for almost a year straight, at the job I hated, because the money was too good to leave. On my extra time, I would go to the gym only. My close relationships and happiness in general started to fizzle out. I was unhappy doing it but my ego I had built in my mind was telling me it was okay and that it had to happen that way.
I decided to quit my job to pursue entrepreneur type endeavours and it has gone well. But with all that free time on my hands, my thoughts started to get the best of me. I told myself I could only be around people who had the same goals, mindset, and approach toward life.
Next thing I knew I had less than 5 friends and became very introverted. I’m extroverted but taking on this mindset made me afraid to even build connection with people. I thought they would “slow me down.” This turned into fear of being myself around people. Worrying about every single, little thing that happened to progress at a fast pace. I did progress fast in all areas, but sacrificed my mental state and relationships to do that.
Recently i’ve come to the realization that having that mindset takes you out of the present moment. You live your life in your mind. Worrying about conversation, action, and scenario caused me to suffer mentally far more. Now I’m focused on meditative related thinking. To let go of the internal dialogue as much as necessary. I check my thoughts, and if it’s going back down my old thought patterns, I tell myself I don’t accept those thoughts.
I journal to help me with my thoughts so I don’t have to try and think about them, to get my mind back to the present. You cannot control everything and it is a nightmare trying to do it. I now let life happen as it should. I’m trusting it will be exactly what it will be, without trying to force anything to happen.