18 months ago, I almost lost my life to depression.
Things had gotten so bad that I went to stay in a recovery facility. My husband held the fort at home, working all hours and putting on a brave face, while inside he crumbled with feelings of helplessness.
In those months away I learned a lot about myself, my mental health, my habits and addictions on returned and I was fuelled with a false sense of security…surely I was fixed!
But the depression hadn’t finished with me yet. After just two weeks of being home, the cloud returned and I was once against immersed in the darkness that I had tried so hard to desperately escape.
Unable to leave the house, life was filled with only doctors, psychiatrist, and counselling appointments. My mind filled with only fear, loneliness and self-hatred. I realized that much more work was needed – Rome wasn’t built in a day.
It’s funny, after awhile you forget the intensity of the acute anguish and everyday pain you were once feeling. But you’ll never forget the times that it was almost over for you. Lying over your mums floor in a fetal position, screaming for the pain to stop, sobbing that you can’t go on any longer.
But long after, once your strength returns, these memories become a gift – A reminder of once was. A reminder of just how far you have come. A reminder of why every single cloud free day is a miracle.
Well they say time’s a healer, I’m the living proof.
Those that suffer from depression have a superhuman strength. The compassion and empathy we feel is like no other. We have a zest for life and a sense of gratitude that comes only when one has been to hell…and survived.
I’m thankful everyday that I held on.
