I was stuck.
I would say my life was going nowhere, but nowhere sounds like somewhere, and I don’t want to give the impression of any forward momentum whatsoever. At least, that’s what my brain was telling my heart and my soul. I couldn’t seem to get anything right, or find my way.
I felt surrounded by pitch black tunnels with no lights, and the whole time my brain was SCREAMING at me to move, to do something, to do ANYTHING. I never knew how pathetic my own brain could make me feel.
My friend from elementary school posted about her weight loss journey. That was it. That was the thing, that was going to fix everything else. I will lose weight and everything will be right with the world again.
That was kind of true, but not in the way that I was expecting it to be. I signed up, bought some nutritional supplements, started on my weight loss journey. A few weeks went by, I was losing weight consistently, and then something happened.
I felt something. I felt this weird warm bubble of amber light inside my chest. It was love. More specifically it was love for myself.
I immediately started crying, because I was having to work really hard to remember the last time I had felt love for myself. I spent the better part of my life learning to hate myself. I hated my body. my sexuality, my creativity, my loving heart. I realized something that day. My ego is a fu*king asshole.
My ego had been in the driver’s seat of my life for FAR too long. I slammed on the brakes, and I told my ego to get out of the car. Everything has been different since that day. I catch my ego trying to take things personally that don’t matter. I catch my ego trying to make situations about me that just aren’t.
Point being. He doesn’t get to drive anymore. Taking it back a step to the beginning of my journey. I made a choice. 1 choice, and it changed everything. I thought I was choosing to lose weight, which I have. What I was REALLY doing was choosing to put myself first for once. It was self love, and it changed my whole world.
The day I realized that was one of the best days of my new life. My creativity has come back in waves, my heart is so much happier. I’m a MUCH better boyfriend and friend than I ever have been.
So. Take your ego, put it in the back of the car, and tell it to shut the fu*k up. The next time you hear that little voice inside your head telling you how ugly you are, how you’ll never amount to anything, how you’ll fail if you try, “SHUT THE FU*K UP.”
So. Do something. Literally right now. Do a random thing.
Do something you’ve ALWAYS wanted to do.
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- Stop at a park for 10 minutes on your way home and breathe in and out a few times.
- Try an exotic fruit.
- Eat a new ethnic cuisine that you’ve always wondered about.
- Say hi to a stranger and strike up a conversation.
Break that cycle. BREAK IT.
Your ego is already back inside of your head trying to talk you out if it RIGHT NOW. IT’S SCARED. You’ve got it on the run. Ego is in panic mode, because you’ve got it’s number now. You just put yourself in the driver’s seat, and your ego is going to throw a tantrum.
So what. Do something fun and spontaneous, and listen as it complains, and ignore it. The moment you realize you don’t have to listen to your ego, you’re free. Enjoy your freedom! Please. Share your adventure, people will totally join in. Free is infectious!
Sending love.
Tony.
Book recommendation: The Four Agreements, by: Don Miguel Ruiz
