My Transgression

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 Author: Abigail Fridman

I grew up raised with abandonment issues and deep insecurities. My father left when I was three, whom I’ve had little to no relations with. My stepfather of 13 years turned out to be very physically and verbally abusive.

Raised in the same household as my half-sister, I grew up being treated as “Cinderella”, opposite my sister, and was commanded to clean, serve, and hush my personality throughout my childhood. I was talked down to, beaten, belittled, and hurt. To cope with the constant abuse, I’ve turned to food as my escape.

I developed binging and starving disorders, fluctuating my weight between thin and fatigued, and heavy and sluggish. I had no sense of self-worth, discipline, and inner appreciation for life. Many times I have struggled with intrusive thoughts and destructive behaviors. Fast forward to the age of 16, my mother and stepfather got divorced. I was traumatized, always attracting the wrong relationships into my life, always approaching the wrong habits, and lacking in self-care.

I harbored so much resentment and pain, that it affected my overall existence. My healing journey began at 19 years old when the lockdown happened. I was forced to entertain myself without the tools of the outside world.

I turned to writing as my outlet.

Always having a creative side, I used writing to convey my emotions. As I wrote more and more each day, I censored myself less and less. I wrote so much that I filled up a 400-page book in less than a few months. With each raw journal entry, I got to understand myself better.

I discovered that I needed to heal my soul from all the pain and suffering I have experienced, I have also discovered all of the negative characteristics that I developed from my childhood conflicts. At the same time, I took a yoga class to fulfill my PE credit during my sophomore year of college. After three months of peaceful meditation and a mind-to-body connection, my healing journey really took off.

I began to practice more self-care, such as saying no to people, prioritizing my writing, spending time alone, and even running to improve my health and make a dent in my weight. I felt determined and focused like never before, I was ready to change my life.

After months of dedication, I became better at running and decided to join a gym during the cold winter months. There I have found my passion for fitness: an outlet of physical strength, balance, and dexterity.

Coupled with my writing and newly found self-care practices, I transformed my entire body into my temple; a temple that I respect, cherish, love, and appreciate.

At 21 years old, I am a successful young woman who is using social media as an encouraging platform to help others who are pursuing their transgression and healing journey.

At 16 years old, I wouldn’t have imagined myself even being where I am now. Healing isn’t linear, but I most certainly am continuing to stay strong.

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